A good number of days since being here, I sometimes wake up feeling like I'm in a dream...
Over the past couple of days, that has happened in succession, and so I'm putting my reading aside for now to try and capture this flicker of a moment in time.
I hesitate to talk about Regent sometimes, because... I just don't know how.
Words fail or rather, don't seem to justify how much Regent has been all that I imagined it to be, and more. The presence of God just permeates this place. The presence of God envelopes me through this place... when I'm in class, when I'm at chapel, when I'm with the people here, when I'm quietly pondering His revelation of Himself to me. Like how one of my college-mates puts it, there are times when God 'ordains' a place or moment - meaning that He is not only present - as He always is - but in that place or moment, God saw that it was good.
This is my God-ordained place and moment.
Today I met with my professor, Mark Davies from my Soul of Ministry course - designed specifically for MDiv students, and I experienced the rare meeting of minds perhaps for the second time where someone who hardly knows me was able to speak with surprising authority into my life. The other time being Dr. Nienhuis who was pretty much instrumental in my being here at Regent. It is one thing to know people. It is another to be known by someone in a similar way of how we can know about God without really being known by Him.
The blessing of meeting these people in life is incredible. They seem like signposts especially planted by God to point me in the way He desires for me to go. As some of you might be aware, I was just praying about my uncertainty of pursuing the MCS or the MDiv track, and Mark was able to accurately pick out my inclinations and offer apt suggestions for what I could explore that I can continue to ponder with better ease...
Apart from Soul of Ministry, as you have already noticed OT Foundations is another of my courses. As I study it, I am not only committing dates and events to memory, but I feel that I am journeying with the Israelites through their ups and (mostly) downs... I grow weary with our fallen propensity to murmur against God and set our affections on things apart from Him, and ache with the longing and hope that through it all, God will be faithful in His promises to His unfaithful people. From slavery, the Israelites yearn to live to see the day where they set foot on the Promised Land... Yet when they do reach there, they clamor for human monarchy over God's rule over them, setting into motion yet another cycle of folly and misguided loyalties that can only point the well-fatigued heart towards the final Promised Land to come.
In the History of Christianity, it is mind-blowing to learn of the numerous heresies that have shaped orthodox, evangelical Christian thought as we know it today. Walking through horrific events such as the countless loss of lives of those who have gone before us in times of Christian persecution as well as that of the Crusades, it is similarly heart-wrenching to wrestle with all this madness that God allows... Yet in this madness, to acknowledge that there is a "goodness" that we have to pronounce as coming from God - that He sees in each heinous act of man, a "good" piece of the fulfillment of His redemptive history, as epitomized in Christ's very work on the cross.
On the Sunday just passed, the pastor at First Baptist preached on how to live when life is not fair. An elder and his wife went up to share how in their years together, they were called back from the mission field with news of a loved one's diagnosis with cancer...
How their second child was born with multiple physical impairments and learning difficulties...
How their eldest daughter died instantly in a head-on collision with another vehicle whose driver suffered an epileptic fit. She was 22.
Pain is not a foreign topic here.
More than 30 years ago, of Regent's small pioneering batch of 6, 2 were killed in a highway accident on their way from the US to begin school here. The inauguration of the college began poignantly with a memorial service...
One of the professors who recently joined the faculty had his son fall off a cliff only to suffer irreparable brain damage on the day he decided to come to Regent.
Just 2 weeks ago, a newfound friend of mine here unexpectedly lost her younger brother. Just all of 24 years of age. To be here resuming her studies and coping with the loss is a real struggle to say the least...
In all of these times of profound pain and apparent unfairness... do I get a fresh glimpse of what trusting God looks like. Not that there are no questions. Not that there are even satisfactory answers. But only to trust the One who has made Himself known to me. To echo Simon Peter's words to Jesus, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."
I know that it will be these days that I will be looking back on to be reminded of the blazing silver lining in this vision of God to carry me through any dark days ahead...
